Since I was young I have loved entertaining people. Making people smile, gasp, contemplate, etc. has always filled me with joy. I’m not sure why. Maybe it is a part of my DNA, maybe it is a mechanism for fitting in. Whatever it is, it is an inherent part of my personality and has informed the path that I have taken.
Acting was my original medium for channelling this trait. Having been a part of youth theatre groups from the ages of 9 to 17, performing was an extremely formative part of my childhood. I loved the feeling of telling a story and making it as believable as possible with a group of like-minded individuals. At this time, I was sure this would be the industry I would dedicate my life to.
I think the appeal of fame was a factor. I thought it would be cool being a movie star, and I loved watching the Oscars and imagining what it would be like giving my acceptance speech. I think this corrupted me, making me envious of others, making me more competitive rather than truthful to the art, and it made every rejection hurt more.
Eventually I lost interest. I was no longer doing art for the sake of doing art, I was doing it for ulterior motives. There was a growing dissonance between what I felt inside and what I projected outside. Around the age of 17 it was especially heightened and acting began to lose all of its thrill.
At this time, I had become obsessed with drawing. Since I was young I had always drawn, being enamoured by my brother’s skill from an early age. I was always doodling in class and drawing at dinner time. Now I had an unsolicited urge to draw every evening instead of doing homework or watching TV. I loved using drawing ink, filling sketchbooks with images that I thought were really deep but were just the scribbles of a budding artist.
What drawing gave me was completely different to acting. Instead of my body being the vehicle of expression, the art I was creating became separate and I could watch it create itself at every instant. This control was far more desirable as in acting I was never entirely sure that what I was intending to express was coming across. Art provided a certainty, and I liked the physicality of it. As opposed to acting, a painting is an object that occupies a definitive place in time and space.
I have always had an appreciation for painting and the skill required to produce a Van Gogh or an early Picasso. These works were my only perception of what painting is and it restricted my overall understanding of it’s potential. When I was introduced to the work of Jean-Michel Basquiat, this all changed.
I was sat in the back of a Maths class when my friend told me of an upcoming Basquiat exhibition in London. I had never heard of the artist before and when he showed me his work something clicked. His bombastic, energetic, non-pretentious style resonated in a way that no other art had done before. Here was art that was an uncompromised expression of this person’s soul. It could be understood without any presuppositions of art history. His works defy tradition and are a pure reflection of his experience and what it means to be human.
Around this time, we were doing our final school exams. I studied Maths, Drama, and English. I was fairly determined to go to a high-ranking University and study English, however my grades were not good enough. I hated studying and I was dreading doing another boring subject at university. Do I pursue art? It seemed crazy but Basquiat had made me feel as though it were possible.
Luckily for me my parents were supportive so long as I went to university. At the time I had a full-time job in a law firm, so I only had the evenings to create a portfolio for my application. This, plus some evening art classes made for a busy schedule. With only a few months to pull together 10 paintings you would think I was under a lot of stress; however, it did not feel so. Instead, every time I painted, I was having fun. I felt like a child reclaiming my sense of passion and joy.
I am hugely indebted to the work of Basquiat. He arrived at his work after many years of soul-searching during a time where racial prejudice was rife and affecting the daily experience of him and his people. It was a tremendous task, and his resilience to adversity is what makes his story and art so potent.
Like science, art has a purpose. It does the thing that it did to me when I was 18 and saw the work of Basquiat for the first time. It gives meaning and reason to the lost and confused. My one goal with art is to continue the cycle and spin the wheel in perpetuum, becoming another link in the long chain. As I gain new and exciting interests and inspirations I will always make sure I remember the original initiates of my journey and admire and respect the legacy they have left behind.
Tom Allwinton Art 